If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize