By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
