Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
