you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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