Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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