He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
be right there i have to get my cape
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
