the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
