maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize