Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
