Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
