also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
