Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was like his penis was on wheels.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
