bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
