Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize