1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize