note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
