I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
