Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
