Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
