the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've blown a few things in my day
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
