I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
