also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
