Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
