We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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