Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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