Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
These tits shall not be calmed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
