It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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