Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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