it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
