I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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