I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
