The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
