I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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