I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize