there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
