So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
