Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
