I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
