My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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