He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
