i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
