Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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