a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
