just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize