I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want her autograph on my taint
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
