porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You ate ashes out of my bong
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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