You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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