Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize