I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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