At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize