I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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