He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
