So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
