What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
