I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
