i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
