PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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