Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
