ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
