if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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