Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
