You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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