Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
