I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
