I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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