A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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