Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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