that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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