You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
