i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
