Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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