So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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