You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
