woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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