So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
