he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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