bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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