quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
