But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize