The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
