You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
