new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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