Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
