Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
